Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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