Me too!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
