I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
