I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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