i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
