Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
