hotel room ftw
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
