I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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