do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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