Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
