i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
