Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize