I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
