Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
