she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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