Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
