OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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