If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize