Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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