Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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