Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
