Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
