Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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