I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
