Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
