she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
