i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
