I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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