I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
