there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
