so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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