Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
