I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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