the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
