The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
