At least make sure they are 18
Why
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
