So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
