are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
