It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
