Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
