then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
