I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
