I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
