so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
