don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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