i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
