My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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