What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Panties = found
Randomize
