4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
