I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
