Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
