I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
