My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sex in a hospital.. check
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
