i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
