the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
