How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
