omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
