just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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