This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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