You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
