Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
