is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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