Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
