you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
