she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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