I cannot find my penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
