btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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