A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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