Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
