i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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