he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize