you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
