she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
