She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
