can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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