I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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