bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
