: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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