he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
